Are you actually “Lazy”?
Growing up, I thought that you had to be born with the organizing gene, or else you were doomed to be disorganized and messy all your life.
That all changed after Edison was born and I was hit hard with postpartum depression and anxiety. I could no longer spend all my time cleaning, I didn’t have the motivation to do much, but the mess made me more anxious and depressed. Things started spiraling out of control. I realized that for my mental health as well as making the best use of my time, I needed to figure out how to simplify as well as manage my home.
I discovered that organizing, managing a home, and even decluttering, are all behaviors you can learn. They’re all built on habits that you can create.
Decluttering Our Stories
What stories have you believed about who you are? Maybe you’ve believed that you’re just lazy, when maybe you’re not lazy, you’re just procrastinating because you’re overwhelmed or scared. Maybe you’ve believed that “you can’t get organized, you’re just a messy person, you’re bad at math, pink is a bad color on you, you’re not worthy of love if you’re not “successful”, etc.
All of us have stories about ourselves we’ve been told or just picked up on that we believed, and they’ve carried over into our habits and how we live our lives.
These stories come from having a fixed mindset instead of a growth mindset. While people are born with natural gifts and abilities, what matters most, in the long run, is perseverance. We can all learn, grow and change.
In today’s video, we’ll discuss the stories we’ve told ourselves that are holding us back, as well as …
- The 3 Layers of Behavior Change
- The crucial difference between “Outcome based” habits and “Identity based” habits
- The number one reason we don’t stick with our habits
3 Layers of Behavior Change
How do we replace a false identity with a true one? Habits. Habits are intrinsically linked to our identity. Especially habits that stick, which is what we need if we’re going to maintain progress.
There are three layers to behavior change, and this is something I teach inside my six-week course From Clutter to Clarity, but I’ve pulled out some of the key points.
Outcome-based Habits
Here’s how most of us go about trying to create a good habit. We focus on the outcome – like decluttering a room, or running a marathon, or reading our Bible more. Being more patient. Losing weight. Most of us stay there, with outcomes.
Maybe we’ll venture into processes, like doing seasonal closet clean outs, or finding a marathon training plan. We don’t usually get to the “identity level,” or we don’t really change our identity until after our outcomes have all been reached. Like, you won’t think of yourself as a “runner” until you complete the marathon. You won’t think of yourself as “organized” until every area of your home is perfect. You won’t think of yourself as “healthy or fit” until you’ve lost the weight.
The problem is that most of the time, we fail. We quit the training plan, we stop decluttering, we stop doing our devotions. So our identity never changes.
Identity Based Habits
Identity Based habits, on the other hand, actually create habits that stick.
Here’s what I mean: starting with the identity “I am a runner,” means I’ll do what a runner would do. I’ll go running every day, because I am a runner. It’s what runners do.
If I think of myself as a decluttered, organized person, I’m going to do what a clutter-free person would do. I’m not going to buy clutter, I’m going to give everything a home, I’m not going to pile stuff on the counter, etc. As a result of thinking of myself as a clutter-free person, I do the things, or processes, that a clutter-free person would do. And then, I actually get the result, or outcome, of being clutter free.
Real change has to start with our identity!
Habits are votes for your identity.
Each time you’re taking an action and doing your daily habit that fits with your identity, it’s another vote for that identity. For example, each day you come home from work and sit on the couch, it’s a vote for your identity as a couch potato. But each time you lace on your shoes and go for a run, it’s a vote for your runner identity.
Each time you pile the mail on the counter it’s a vote for being a messy person, everytime you sort it and deal with it right away is a vote for the clutter-free identity.
Each time you do your devotions, it’s a vote for that identity – as a person who does regular devotions. Each time you are patient with your kids instead of snapping, it’s a vote for your identity as a patient mom.
So that begs the question, why don’t we stick to our habits?
We think progress is linear when it’s not.
Here’s how progress actually works, This is from the book “Atomic Habits” and it’s called the plateau of latent potential.
So basically, We give up too soon!
Success is the result of our daily habits, not once in a lifetime transformations.
It doesn’t matter so much what you start with – your daily habits will determine your success. Think about this:
- If you’re a millionaire but spend more than you make each year, over time you’re going to end up bankrupt. If you’re breaking even, but save a little each paycheck, overtime you’re on the path to financial freedom, slow as it may be.
That’s why it doesn’t matter if you are “naturally” an organized person or good at decluttering. It doesn’t matter how many kids you have, or how much time or money you have, or whatever excuses we have for why we can’t reach our goals. What matters is if you are practicing daily habits that are putting you on the path.
Your clutter is a lagging measure of your cleaning and decision making habits, just like your health is a lagging measure of your exercise and eating habits.
How to Create Habits that Stick
Systems, not goals. Goals are a one time outcome or event, a system is the process of small improvements, your habits, that will actually get you there.
People who succeed and people who fail have the same goals – so what sets the successful people apart? They did the work of improving gradually, day by day by creating a system.
Achieving a goal is a momentary change – if you set a goal to clean up your closet, great! But once it’s decluttered, then what? It’s a momentary change and it won’t last if you keep repeating the same bad habits that got it to this way in the first place. If you run a marathon – great, but what happens then? You probably quit running, unless you sign up for another one. You have to change your system and your habits to maintain your progress.
When you fall in love with the process rather than the final product, you give yourself permission to be content. You’re no longer saying, when my house is fully clean and perfect, then I’ll be happy. Instead, each day that your system is running, you can be satisfied, content, and happy because you know as long as that system keeps running, it’s going to lead to the big payoff.
When I work with people on organizing their home, if my goal was only to clean up and declutter their house, that would be a problem, because after I leave, what’s going to happen? It will all go back into chaos. My goal is actually to help people figure out why things are the way they are, and how we can create systems to keep improving. You can apply that to any area of your life you’re working on.
Your commitment to the process determines your progress.
“You do not rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems.” – Atomic Habits
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