It’s the end of a chapter … Brian, Edison, baby, Sirius, and I are moving to upstate New York. Brian accepted a new job July 24th, and with me being 32 weeks pregnant at the time, we realized we needed to move before the baby is born and before the cut off for me to fly – which is 36 weeks. So, we are moving across the country August 13th!
After living in Arizona for eight years, it’s very bittersweet to close this chapter of our adventures in Arizona – probably the most used category on my blog. And it’s just a little stressful to be making such a big move while very pregnant!
It doesn’t feel exciting, or like an adventure, to be honest. It just feels like obedience. Taking the next right step.
We’re exhausted in every way. Everything hurts: my legs, my back, muscles I didn’t know I had. We’ve stayed up too late and gotten up too early trying to do all the things to get our house reading for listing. We’ve said round one of goodbyes, telling everyone that we’re moving, and emotionally I’m spent. Mentally I’m checking off tasks and making lists and phone calls and spending hours on hold trying to transfer our life across the country. It’s heartbreaking to finally have the kitchen of my dreams, to have shutters on the house, and a dozen other projects finally completed knowing that I’ll only get to enjoy them for a couple weeks.
It’s hard. Some days it feels too hard. But weirdly, I have no doubts that it is right.
It started last November. I had the unshakable sense that God wanted us to get ready to move. I convinced myself that maybe I heard wrong and we were supposed to declutter “as if” we were moving, to live a simpler lifestyle. I went ahead and systematically purged almost every closet, drawer, and cupboard. That’s been beyond helpful while packing, because I don’t have to do much sorting or agonizing over what stays and goes.
In December and January, I prayed for clear vision for the year. Moving to New York came up, but I dismissed it as an impossible dream. There was no way Brian would consider getting a different job, so I thought.
I definitely felt God saying that this year would bring great change. When I decided to quit my full time job, I thought that was the big change. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought THAT was the big change. I didn’t imagine a change of this scale!
This spring, I attended a ladies’ retreat with a theme of “blooming where you’re planted.” Among the many gardening metaphors, I felt like God said I was going to be pruned. “But I already have been!” I argued. “Leaving my job, this pregnancy with its health challenges has already cut me down and made me more dependent on you. What’s left to take away?”
Turns out, there is more – my community, my friends, my church, my sister-in-law only six hours away, Disneyland only six hours away, my co-working space and childcare arrangements, my orthodontist, my doctor, our pediatrician, our favorite restaurants … the house where I brought my baby home from the hospital … and eight years of memories.
It feels like there’s nothing left sometimes. Like after eight years of putting down roots, it’s all gone. But I remember sensing God telling me that my roots are still strong, and after being cut back, there will be more blooming in the future. I will take with me eight years of memories, friendships that will span locations, and eight years of lessons learned and becoming the person I am today.
The day after Brian got the job offer, I opened my devotional to read “I am with you, and will watch over you wherever you go.” Genesis 28:15.
Those were only a few of the ways I was prepared to say yes to this move. I refer to this list of all type ways God has confirmed and comforted me along the way when it starts feeling too hard.
And I do the next right thing.
It might not feel exciting, just exhausting. It might not feel like an adventure, but it is one.
It’s an adventure for me to learn to listen and trust God, to depend on him at an even deeper level, for strength and grace for every moment, to lean in to his presence and comfort at a greater level than I ever have before.
