Confession: Before I became a mom, I didn’t think I needed self-care. Actually, I thought that the whole idea was just new-age psudo-psychology nonsense. Besides, it was selfish. I would refill myself by serving others, no bubble baths needed, thank you very much. After all, I had so much important stuff to do!
It just so happened that I was sick ALL THE TIME. The least bit of stress would instantly bring on a cold that would punch me in the face and lay me out on the couch for two weeks. Coincidence? I think not. My body was desperately trying to flag me down, and when I ignored it, it pulled the emergency brake.
That pattern changed when I became a mom, but not before crashing and burning a few times. “Everyone needs me!” I’ve cried. And it’s pretty true – with a six month old and a three year-old, they really do need my attention and help almost constantly. And then when they’re finally in bed, Brian wants my attention too! Not to mention friends, extended family, neighbors, and my church. More than once, I’ve collapsed in bed at the end of the day in tears.
I finally realized the logic of that old self-care mantra: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” But, I still had to learn HOW to self-care.
Self-Care, Soul-Care, or Self-Comfort?
I like to differentiate between “self-care,” “soul-care,” and “self-comfort.”
When “self-care” is used, it typically refers to caring for the physical body, ie., reducing stress through yoga or a bubble bath, getting your nails done, taking a yoga class. Taking care of our physical bodies profoundly impacts our internal state – especially when it reduces stress or increases happiness and peace of mind.
“Soul-care,” on the other hand, is jumping right into the deep end of how that stress got there to begin with. Soul-care might look like reading a thought-provoking book, taking more time to pursue your passions and develop creatively as a person, having a coffee date with a good friend, or talking to a therapist. It often overlaps with “self-care.”
“Self-comfort” is a bit different. You might practice self-comfort after a bad day at work, or a long day of toddler tantrums. Self-comfort measures usually provide a quick and powerful hit of feel-good hormones to your brain.
Hear me on this: there’s nothing wrong with self-comfort! You need coping mechanisms. But self-comfort can easily go too far – an occasional glass of wine could lead to one every night, then to I-have-to-have-it-or-I-can’t-function … addiction.
Self-care doesn’t just make you feel better in the moment: it’s actually good for you. It’s nourishing and caring, not destructive.
The problem with calling “self-comfort” “self-care,” is that it can mask deeper issues. Like, you eat a pint of ice cream because you’ve had a hard parenting day (we all have them!). But if that continues for a solid week, maybe you really need to make some changes, ask for help, and take steps to fix the deeper issues.
How to make time for self-care
As a mom with many other people’s demands on my time and energy, this is what I’ve found works for me:
- Schedule it. I put it on the calendar. I’ll say that again for the people in the back: I PUT IT ON THE CALENDAR. In advance. So I know that on Friday morning, I’m going to a coffee shop to write. I don’t have to think about it, I don’t have to debate with myself. I just do it.
- Make it routine. I schedule my self-care by what I need to do daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, etc. For me, I know I’ll be spending 30 minutes each morning reading the Bible, praying, and journaling. Three times a week, I’ll go for a run (it’s on the calendar!). Once a week, usually Sunday night, I’ll take a bubble bath and do some kind of facial. Also once a week, I’ll go on my “artist date,” something fun to refuel my creativity. Once a month, I’ll paint my nails. Every six months, I’ll schedule a haircut.
- Find 15 minutes. In 15 minutes while the kids are playing legos, you can take a shower. You can meditate. You can pick up your room to make it more of an oasis. You can light a candle and turn on music. You can throw down a mat and do a short yoga routine. If you can find four chunks of 15 minutes – BOOM. You just did an hour of self-care!
- Make it a priority. Here’s the thing: Nobody else is going to make taking care of you a priority. It’s up to you. I know you have a lot on your plate, but this has to happen in order for all the other things to happen well. I’m a much more creative, calm, and happy parent, wife, and writer.
What to do for self-care:
“Self-care” is considered a billion dollar industry now, and used as a label on on sorts of products and behavior, from jade facial rollers to eating pints of ice cream in one sitting. So how do you separate the hype from the helpful?
Ask yourself:
- How does this actually care for me?
- Is it caring for my physical body? My mind? My heart?
- What fills me up?
- What do I enjoy doing?
- What’s fun for me?
You may have to spend some time experimenting to find your things, especially if it’s been awhile. Here’s some places to start:
- Five Senses. I learned this from my therapist: think about your five senses. What would feel good – a cozy blanket? What would sound good – your favorite music? What would taste good – a cup of tea? What would smell good – a candle?
- Upgrades. Look for ways to upgrade things you use often, or need to replace. Do you usually buy cheap coffee? Upgrade for the extra $2 this time. Need new towels? Get the nice ones.
- Annoyances. Look around for things that bug you, and just take care of it so it doesn’t suck your energy anymore! Call the plumber to fix that leaky faucet. Mop that sticky place on the floor. Pay that bill you keep putting off. Clean off your desk. Replace your flat pillow with a new one.
123 Self-Care Ideas for Moms List Download
Using the tips above as a starting point, I’ve brainstormed even MORE ideas for you! Print it out, so you can refer to it when you need inspiration. And pick out a few ideas to schedule into your calendar. Pop in your email, and I’ll send you the PDF!
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