There, I said it. Out loud on the internet. You might have already noticed, but I’m not cool. And I’m beginning to come to terms with that.
Here’s what I mean.
She’s cool.
She’s super cool.
And in a different way, she’s equally cool.
Cool people can wear heels all day. They wear skinny jeans and blazers or fedoras, they do yoga and eat cupcakes without gaining weight. They get together with friends for brunch. They’re eco-friendly and drive hybrids. People with that “new vintage” look are cool. They look good with heavy bangs, red lipstick, retro outfits. They collect art and vintage dishes. They get manicures and go shopping every week. They’re witty, smart, and popular. Cool people drink soy lattes and eat sushi.
I used to think, “If I was just thinner, I could be cool.” But I’m beginning to realize that some clothes are made for boyish, flat chested figures, and no matter how thin I am, I’m always going to be curvalicious. I used to think, “I could just learn how to apply makeup better, or style my hair better, I’d be cool.” But the truth is, I have no desire to spend hours getting ready in the morning. And regardless of my beauty routine, I’ll probably still have pimples. I used to think, “If only I had more money, I could buy stylish clothes and be cool.” But I’m learning that it’s not what you wear, but how you wear it, and who’s wearing it. Meaning, coolness comes from confidence.
And confidence, that comes from knowing who you are, and being ok with it.
You can’t be confident if you’re trying to be someone else.
I can’t be those cool people. I love desserts too much, for one thing. I’m too clumsy to walk in heels, and I’m inept at fixing my own hair. And even though heavy bangs and red lipstick is popular right now, that look just makes me look like more of a geek than I already do. And it brings back memories of elementary through middle school, when I sported geek poster child bangs.
I may never learn how to make a messy bun. I won’t ever enjoy sushi. I may never dance without looking like a robot having a seizure. I may never get over some awkwardness in social situations. In the words of Emily Freeman, I’ll always be “allergic to small talk.”
But I will be sincere. I will be honest, sometimes to a fault. I will truly care about you.
I will be a geek. My heart will beat faster when I see a new font. I will cry when reading the Harry Potter books. I will also cry when watching America’s Got Talent and Extreme Home Makeovers. I will get goosebumps listening to beautiful singing. My feet will trip over themselves. My glasses will slide down my nose. I will listen to jazz and French music. I will read a good book anywhere and at anytime. I will write, and I will create. I will be emotional and laugh too loud and have a small circle of really, really good friends.
I will be a work in progress, for the rest of my life. I will always be in desperate need of grace.
Today is Geek Pride Day, so for all of you fellow uncool people, are you not at all, somewhat, or very ok with who you are? What about who you’re not?
